Sunday, August 27, 2006

Don't marry a man

By Guest Columnist Genet

A satire poking fun at male chauvinists... or is it a revelation?
You may laugh until it hurts.
(2:20 minutes)

It looks like the male-dominated financial press -- The Wall Street Journal and Forbes magazine no less -- is at it again with articles attacking Cindy Sheehan and women who have careers.

Outrage is flying all over Blogland, or to paraphrase Oklahoma, "Outrage is busting out all over!" Catchy tune to hum as the Lesbianati sharpen their double-headed axes.

What amazes me is that the collaborators (AKA as straight women) never seem to get that there is a war on women, a big backlash, and only now and then do the boys tip their hand and reveal how they really feel about women.

Well, the tipping point is now a reality yet again. I have a solution to all of this, of course -- women should not marry men. Period. Think of the joy of women marrying women. You'll have a partner who really cares about your career success, and as the British Economist reported awhile back, lesbians make more money than straight women. Wow, we make more money! I love that.

Now why is this? Well the Economist said it's because we have more control over when we have children, and we don't take time out from jobs and get behind. Genet, of course, is horrified at the thought of any lesbian having children -- geez, we are Amazon warriors for goddess sake! But I know there a few sisters out there who seem to think the hetero-imitative life is still the bees' knees. Oh, well, at least Genet can carp and whine about it.

Other psychological studies say that lesbian relationships are the most egalitarian of all the couples out there -- straight or gay male. So even when two men live together, they still can't create equality. That proves that men are incapable of living the very concept of equal partnership period. Cynical me, I don't care if men oppress each other in the home but I don't ever want women to suffer this again. I suppose that is hypocritical and so un-kumbaya-let-there-be-peace on earth-ish, but, hey, I'm petty and vengeful, and honest about it!

Petty, vengeful, and enjoying a good fight with my enemies at the drop of a hat. Sometimes, we lesbians get too wimpy and just too damn "fair" all the time. We could use a little outrage, anger and song, and rejoicing at our enemies' defeats and humiliations.

Straight women, hear my words: Men always want women out of the work world and stuck in the home. They don't really want you to make more money or have more power -- no, that is too threatening to them. Now why is this? Mainly because the pathetic Paleolithic pigs haven't carved out a new role for themselves. They've had 30 years of modern feminism to do this but all they can still think about is woman in home, god as a man, and the Bible as man's special document. They haven't invented now roles for themselves the way women have done over this same period of time.

Men are conservatives, conservatives always want things the way they were. Time for a little sing along here...Zzz! Zzz! Zzz!...the sound of a labrys sharpening. So they are not going to change. Why would you change as a man? You want the servant in the home, your name stuck all over your property, ahem, I mean children, and you don't want women as equals. Men don't even want to listen to women's ideas at all in fact. Think male dominance, think smoke-filled rooms, they don't want women doing anything for themselves. Men want to be the hogs of the public sphere, the dominators of the earth, the gods who preach from raised platforms.

That is the nature of man! So don't marry men. Women, you are perfectly able to earn your own money, have children artificially, and lead a rich and adventurous life on your own. Men have nothing to offer you at home.

As angry as I am at the oppressors, I can grant men a few crumbs of recognition. Gay men are delightful, they are usually easier to work with and they are more emotionally present than straight men. Generation X men show significant improvement over any man who is over 45 years of age probably because their mothers worked full time, so they are more clued in. There are exceptions and straight women always like to tell me about these male needles in the haystack.

Will lesbians become 50% of the female population? Well, they could. We don't need to add a lot of people to the earth now or we'll destroy the environment. Six billion and counting is not helping anyone. So that great "be fruitful and multiply" heterosexual cheer is getting a bit outdated.

Forbes editors and Wall Street Journal articles attacking women with careers and moral anti-war agency...mainstream male-stream publications thinking...they can do this and get away with it. Women, cancel your subscriptions to the WSJ and Forbes now! Flood them with angry letters, emails, and take up those signs and march! Women employees of both publications (Are there any women who work at these places?), really, give the guys who wrote those articles a very hard time.

How about a new movie called, "Snakes in Men's Mercedes?"

Think of what would have happened to those men if they had called African-Americans hysterical or had written an article, "Don't Marry a Black Woman." Think of how this would look in a racial context. Get the picture. Make woman-hatred such a punishment publicly in Blogland and everywhere that the sexist Paleolithic pigs run in fear back to the La Brea tar pits where they belong. Genet says, "Remember, you haven't changed men. They can't be changed!" But you can gather your self-respect and beat them into swords, or is it ploughshares?? You can kill them with words, you can cancel subscriptions, and you can storm their corporate headquarters. You can boo the owners at every public event they attend.

You can make those bad, bad boys feel pain! Women, it's time to sharpen the axes and whistle while you work!